This is what they might say:
Dogs diary:
- 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
- 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
- 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
Cats Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
Genius 
More to read here.
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These are great — the dog diary may be a tad repetitive, but it’s entirely accurate — and the cat diary just gets funnier as you read on.
I got this in an email a while back..funny stuff.
I’m a cat person, here are a few of my favorite sayings.
Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Dog thinks “my owner is such a nice guy to me, he pets me, he feeds me, he brushes me, he cares about me…. HE must be God”
Cat thinks “my owner is such a nice guy to me, he pets me, he feeds me, he brushes me, he cares about me…. I must be God”