Thermal

From the ‘Have they really got nothing better to do?’ department, comes this story of Skull Splitter Ale from the Orkney Islands.

We have a bunch of state sanctioned nannies in the UK called the Portman Group (who apparently have chosen a condom for a logo) who niche it is in life to censure companies for innappropriate marketing of alchohol to  people. Sounds very noble, although I find it debatable that people drink because an advert told them to, but leaving that aside, this particular story concerns the aforementioned Skull Splitter and how the ‘aggressive’ name and image of an ‘aggressive’ Viking (as the local MP pointed out, is there any other kind?) would drive hordes of children to start throwing the stuff down their neck and eating babies etc.

Now this beer is a real ale of 8.5%, is dark and rich and being a fan of this kind of beer, I can tell you that the one thing you cannot do with these drinks is suck down half a dozen bottles in one sitting. It’s the kind of beer that can only be sipped & enjoyed. This is of course unlike the drunk schoolkids favourite beverage which is either 90% sugar or is a fizzy lager which goes down like lemonade.

This is probably neither here nor there though. What I’d like to know is when did we cure cancer, halt wars and save the world to such an extent that the only ills threatening society were names of beers or characters on the labels? The name on the bottle isn’t a cause of teenage drinking, it’s poor or non-existent parenting coupled with an obsession on the part of the Police & Government to persecute motorists or people putting the out the trash, rather than pursue & punish real criminals.

Happily sense has prevailed in this case, but these people will go on chipping away at our inconsequential freedoms until beer is sold in a plain brown wrapper though it will be too dangerous to walk to the shop to buy some. It’s enough to drive you to drink.

Skull Splitter anyone?

Chavtastic….

Be touched by his noodly appendage.

Without love,

Breath is just a clock ticking.

Without Breath,

Love is just Necrophilia.

Seen at Pictures of Walls.

The ever excellent Futility Closet gives us the pain scale invented by Justin Schmidt:

1.0 – Sweat bee: “Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.”

1.2 – Fire ant: “Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet and reaching for the light switch.”

1.8 – Bullhorn acacia ant: “A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.”

Keep going all the way to the Bullet Ant for a world of pain you never knew existed.

I think he’s missed one though; how to describe that moment when you walk past a solid oiece of furniture in bare feet, only for your little toe to make a crunching connection with one corner……

This is amazing!

You won’t believe this, but trust me it really works!!!!!!

Simply forward this post to everyone in your email address book, and within minutes, literally nothing will happen!

Isn’t that incredible?

Just bug everyone you know with this piece of random crap and sheer nothing will be your eternal & blessed reward.

Oh, and while you’re at it, forward this three times and send it to your boss hard copy, and some non-existent corporation will donate 3 cents to some little sick girl dying of ebola-AIDS who’s also collecting birthday cards to get in the Guinness book of non-existent records.

But that’s not all! Attach anyone of an infinite number of internet memes/jokes/lolcatz to suddenly become the most popular person on the planet.

But remember! You must forward this to everyone you know, or you’ll instantly contract cat AIDS or something.

Inspired by, along with all the internet crap I get forwarded 18 times a day by people who think I give a shit.

Do people constantly bother you with inane requests for information?

Is it usually stuff that they could find out by simply typing the question into a well known search engine?

Or do you have a reputation as  ‘computer guru’ and people are forever asking how you do things?

Yes? Then maybe you need the services of Let me Google that for you.

Here’s how it works: lets say someone asks you a question that your average mousemat could probably answer, and certainly a few seconds Googling would do the trick. Instead of the usual response that you give in order to get your exasperation across such as rolling your eyes, giving a link to the Google results or (heaven forbid) just giving them the answer, instead pop over to LMGTFY, type in the question that you’ve been asked and then click the button. You’ll then be given a link you should pass on to your pathetic petitioner – when they click on it they’ll be treated to a short animation explaining how Google actually works – like so:

Genius

Having trouble meeting that special person?

Is dating a let down?

Just want to get laid, but can’t find a willing pet partner?

Then you need Canada’s premier dating site AdultMooseFinder.com!

Really. After my little post informing DoFollow spammers what will happen to them if they drop meaningless comments with spammy names on the blog and don’t even bother reading the post, what should I get but this:

D

And what post did they leave this gem on? Yes, the one linked above about not leaving spammy comments…..

Oh, this is a corker.

One of the countries forming part of the UK, Wales, is very defensive of their language to the extent that all public signs must appear in English & Welsh – even information painted on the road must be in two languages – seriously. This is despite the fact that the majority of Welsh people can’t speak Welsh so even the functionaries at a local council have to use their own translation service. So when they needed a sign translated they emailed the English text off, received a reply and put it on to the sign – and here’s the result:

Whoops.....

Looks good? OK, here’s what the text at the bottom actually says:

“I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated”.

Yes, they’d printed up the out of office autoreply which was in Welsh. Top quality.

From the BBC….